One of our readers has taken the time and trouble to share a very painful and personal experience with us. We thank her for her courage in doing so.
“I do not want to dwell on the reasons that led to the abortion of my child. Because in the past three months, I have come to understand only one thing – that there is absolutely no reason that can justify abortion. This practice goes against all that is human. The womb is a place that represents the ultimate in security and comfort. Even when grown up, we all carry in our subconscious, the memory of our existence in the mother’s womb. That is why in our darkest hours we find comfort in a foetal position. I ripped my child from the sanctity of my womb.
There’s a lot I can tell you about my tragic experience. When I was going through severe depression, I tried very hard to find post-abortion trauma counselors in India but to no avail. So I turned to American sites where abortion is a raging controversy. Fortunately I found many helping hands there. I was sent books on post abortion healing. I realized that when it comes to motherhood, we women have similar experiences in any set up, in any culture or any country. If I’m feeling so traumatized, I am sure that there are thousands of other Indian women who are going through this agony and suffering in silence. I am sure that there is this silent grief sweeping across our country, which is not considered worth addressing in our patriarchal society.
In memory of my lost child who will live in my heart till my dying day.”
Abortion is a difficult and very personal issue. In a country where female infanticide and dowry deaths are an accepted fact of life, very little attention is paid to the problems of post abortion stress. For the religiously inclined, it may be a comfort to know that abortion, whether deliberate or spontaneous, is believed to be a result of an agreement at soul level between one who needs to experience life in the womb for a short time and the mother who undertakes to provide this experience. In more practical terms, loss of a child at any stage needs to be expressed in the form of open grief. The mother can choose any method of expressing this grief; from giving her child a name and mourning her publicly, to simply acknowledging her sorrow to her loved ones. Jeena included excerpts from a book called ” Her choice to heal” by Sydna Masse and Joan Phillips. A portion of these excerpts is reproduced below:-
-Have anniversary reactions
-Have feelings of diminished control over their lives
-Experience difficulty developing and maintaining relationships
-Begin substance abuse
If you or anyone you know has undergone an abortion and have these symptoms, please feel free to write in to us so that we can help put you in touch with others like you as well as with experts on the subject.
We welcome any feedback from you on this or any other topic. Please contact Manisha, Editor, Indian Moms, at firstname.lastname@example.org