A child experiencing
separation anxiety exhibits extreme distress when one or both parents leave
him even if only briefly. This is a normal phase of development and is generally
seen around 1 year of age. There are always exceptions - some toddlers never
experience separation anxiety while others may develop the symptoms closer
to the second birthday rather than the first.
As a rule, this
anxiety is likely to be more pronounced in children who
- have only been exposed to their parents
- are experiencing other stress in their lives like a move or a new
sibling
- are naturally shy
- temperamentally averse to change
- have recently been left overnight by their parents for the first
time.
What to do -
- Take the anxiety seriously, respond with patience and comfort instead
of teasing and annoyance.
- Stay calm, firm and sympathetic but stick to your plans.
- Give your child lots of love and attention when you are together
especially during periods of intense separation anxiety. Tell him you
love him but don't tell him you miss him so that he feels obliged to
miss you back.
- Start with short-term separations.
- Don't be sneaky. Don't slip out even when it is really tempting to
do so or it will leave your child more guarded and insecure next time
you try to leave. Always say goodbye to the child.
- Get rid of the guilt. If you're leaving him in reliable caring hands
there is no need for guilt.
- Check your own anxieties - perhaps he is picking up your worries
and fears and thereby enforcing his own fears.
- Don't let yourself be controlled by crying - your child has to learn
that not everything in life can be obtained by crying.
Tips for
saying goodbye :
- Get ready in advance, if possible, so as to spend some time with
the child before you have to leave. Last minute preparations leave your
child feeling neglected initially and abandoned once you've left the
house. Further your anxiety and impatience if you're getting late can
get transmitted to the child. Try and spend atleast 15 minutes before
you leave reading a story or building blocks with your child. Or get
ready together.
- Get your toddler busy elsewhere before you leave.
- Leave him with a physical reminder of you, if that helps.
- Keep your exit casual. Tell him briefly that you are going out and
will be back soon. Promise a favourite activity when you come back and
keep your promise. Find a light or affectionate phrase and use it every
time.
- You can tell him when you will be back. Even though he cannot still
understand time he will feel more secure and positive.
- Have your toddler wave at you - ask the person looking after her
to take her to the window and encourage her to wave. Even if she's crying
wave back smilingly
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