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The toddler
years are almost as trying to a parent as they are rewarding. Children
who can't seem to learn to stop talking, attempts to be the center of
attention at all times, whining, hitting, temper tantrums and other aggressive
behaviour- its enough to make the most saintly parent lose her temper.
Here are
a few tips to help you prevent such a situation from arising
- Set guidelines ahead of time - whether you are going out or talking
on the phone make it clear ahead of time what you plan to do and what
is acceptable or unacceptable behaviour during that time.
- When you know in advance the trouble spots, distract the child beforehand
or schedule a pleasurable activity immediately afterwards so that the
child is more co-operative.
- Encourage and praise the co-operative behaviour.
- If you are really angry, remove yourself from the situation till you
cool down. Don't start scolding the child at that point otherwise you
may end up loosing your cool completely. (This of course doesn't apply
to potentially dangerous situations where you have to act immediately.)
- Deal with misbehaviour firmly and consistently.
- Ignoring a whining child is a good method as the child is normally
looking for attention and will stop when he doesn't get it.
- Discuss troublesome issues beforehand with your spouse so that you
both present a united front to the child. This is very important, as
otherwise the child will play one against the other to gain his own
way.
- When your child is at his most defiant, don't react. Create a distraction,
ignore the tantrum or give a time out.
- On important public occasions, give specific instructions to your
child along with a clear cause and effect relationship between specific
misbehaviour and specific punishment.
- If you get really angry, take time off to think up innovative punishments
for the child that doesn't include violence of any kind. For example
if the toddler breaks something of value you could make him collect
some small amount of money by assigning small chores such as watering
plants. Not only will he not mind the chore, he will learn a little
about the value of work and money.
- If you blow your top - don't feel guilty afterwards. All parents lose
their control once in a while.
Forms of violence-
Spanking
| Spanking
a child teaches him that it is okay to use violence when angry.
By the same token it also teaches him to hit back. |
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Nagging
A more subtle
form of violence that parents often resort to is nagging. Not only is nagging
not good for your health, it can also leaves scars on the child's psyche
and contributes to lowered self-esteem and motivation. (I can't do this
properly so why bother or I never do things right).
To avoid constant nagging -
- Establish clear rules for all trouble spots at the outset.
The
Golden Rules for setting Rules for young children are: -
-
Explain your rules in age appropriate terms.
- Make
rules consistent.
- Make
rules clear and unambiguous
- Make
reasonable rules.
- Repeat
the rules often.
- Don't
make too many rules.
- Make
it easy for the child to follow the rules.
- Don't
expect perfect compliance.
- Follow
the rules yourself.
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- Establish logical, firm consequences and stick to them. Don't be open
for negotiation on these points.
- Limit your speech, keeping your message simple and straightforward
so that there is no possibility of misunderstanding.
- Focus always on the behaviour, not the child himself, in order to
avoid damaging his self-esteem and to obtain greater co-operation.
- Avoid empty threats that the child will only laugh at.
- Count to 10 or remove yourself until the desire to nag vanishes.
| Clearly
set rules, realistic consequences and consistent follow through
will accomplish far more than nagging, with far less damaging
consequences for the child.. |
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