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One
of the signs of enlightened parenting is believed to be a non-sexist approach
to upbringing. But more and more such parents are finding out to their
surprise, that gender differences are as much a result of biology as of
environment.
Scientific studies reveal that the differences between the sexes begins
in the uterus when hormone such as testosterone and estrogen are provided
to the foetus by the mother's body. A male foetus receives more estrogen.
Thus are created different types of brain development and strengths.
In general,
girls show more interest in people while boys show more interest in objects.
As a result perhaps, normally, girls acquire linguistic skills earlier
and faster while boys acquire spatial and mechanical skills faster. Boys
tend to be more physically active and more aggressive while girls tend
to be quieter and more social. Boys prefer group play, girls prefer to
play one to one.
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sexes are created by birth but gender stereotypes are created
in the home. |
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As far as
emotional needs go there are also clear differences between the needs
of girl and a boy.
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Boys
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Girls
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Primarily need to feel trusted
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- Primarily
need to feel cared for
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Need more acceptance and acknowledgement regarding what
they do, their ability to do it without help and the difference
they make.
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Need more love and acknowledgement regarding who they are,
what they feel and what they want.
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Need to be admired for their achievements
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Need to be cherished and praised because of who they are.
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Is happiest when he feels needed and able to provide support.
Becomes depressed when feels not needed or incompetent to
complete the task at hand.
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- Is
happiest when feels supported. Becomes depressed when she
feels that she can't get the support she needs and has to
do everything herself.
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The different
strengths and needs of boys and girls, means that different parenting
styles are needed for both. The problem lies in not understanding these
differences. Comparing children of different genders is not only unkind
but is also an exercise in futility.
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boy smothered with caring and a girl given too much emotional
independence will end up psychologically scarred. |
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answer lies in finding the line between respecting differences
as healthy while providing equality of status. A girl and a
boy may have different areas of strength and their parents may
need different nurturing styles. But it is important to remember
that neither is inherently superior or inferior. They are just
different! |
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It is essential
for parents to teach their children respect for differences and an ability
to look beyond stereotypes. A simple fact of life since the beginning
of time is that boys and girls need each other to complement and complete
their individual strengths. It is also a fact that teaching girls to be
independent and strong without teaching boys to get rid of chauvinistic
attitudes can only result in a mismatch. It is for you to raise children
who are not 'sexist' in their thinking, who have equal respect for both
sexes and who are comfortable with their gender without needing to fit
into any stereotypes.
What you can
do: -
- Teach your children to see differences as enriching rather than divisive.
- Don't buy into stereotypes of blue for boys and pink for girls or
science for boys and arts for girls.
- Treat your children's as the individuals they are. If your daughter
has more 'male' traits or your son has more 'female' traits, don't ridicule,
scold or belittle them. Accept and love and support them to be themselves.
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Don't accept chauvinism or feminism which is derogatory of or
disrespectful of the other sex. |
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- Teach
a boy to be more gentle and considerate and a girl to be more assertive
and independent.
- Select
the toys not to make statements of any kind but for enjoyment and to
encourage any interest or talent in your child. That could mean buying
a doll for a boy and a car for the girl to see if they enjoy it.
- Don't
be tougher on your son by telling him things such as boys don't cry,
while cuddling your daughter for the same reason.
- Be careful
of the attitudes you unconsciously pass on to your children. Try to
avoid stereotypes in your attitudes towards housewives, helping around
the house, working etc.
- Provide
good role models - children learn from examples.
| ·Gender
identity is developed through adopting the example set partly
by the same sex parent or an older person and partly from observing
friends of their own sex. |
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How
to avoid teaching stereotypes
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Set an equal example by sharing housework and parenting
chores.
- Take
gender taboos out of toys
- Teach
a son also to be nurturing and as sensitive as your daughter
and praise courage and strength equally in your son.
- Read
and tell stories which demonstrate sexual equality. Books
where women are also engineers, scientists and men are looking
after the babies.
- Tell
your toddler they can be anything they want to be
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