|
Discipline was
easy for our parents because obedience was a quality inculcated from an
early age. For defaulters a good spanking or even a beating was considered
permissible to bring them into line. Gradually however as the evils of corporal
punishment are understood, discipline has become very complicated. There
are parents who continue to hit their children, while there are others who
have virtually abandoned all attempts at discipline for fear of scarring
their children. In between these two extremes there is another way
- Say goodbye to spanking. Hitting a child legitimises violence and
teaches him that it is acceptable to hit others when he is angry.
- Try and figure out the reason for misbehaviour- is the child tired,
has he not understood your orders? Solve the problem by discussing the
problem with the child and putting your point of view across ( in age
appropriate terms) and inviting the child to do the same.
- Set clear limits and expectations in advance along with a clear set
of consequences in case of mis-behaviour.
- Be consistent in enforcing your rules so that there is no ambiguity.
The
Golden Rules for setting Rules for young children are: -
- Explain your rules in age appropriate terms.
- Make rules consistent.
- Make rules clear and unambiguous
- Make reasonable rules.
- Repeat the rules often.
- Don't make too many rules.
- Make it easy for the child to follow the rules.
- Don't expect perfect compliance.
- Follow the rules yourself. |
|
- Focus more on good behaviour through acknowledgements and praise,
than on negative behaviour.
- Limit punishments to something within your control.
- Criticise the child's negative behaviour not him. Tell him how he
has done a wrong thing and not that he has been a bad boy. Children
who face regular personal criticism tend to be less tolerant, more uncooperative
and defiant.
- Choose your battles-don't turn everything into a confrontation. Choose
the issues important to you and to the safety of your child.
- Try and place acceptable options in the form of a choice - you can
do this now or later.
- Start early. Let your child grow up with clear concepts of acceptable
or unacceptable behaviour in your family and the consequences of disobedience.
While a child of any age can succeed in irritating her parents, preteens
and teens appear to especially gifted in this respect. Here are some tips
for constructively managing your anger
- Don't repress
your anger - it will only come out in an over-reaction later.
- Tell your child that you are getting angry and why.
- Remove yourself - this gives you time to cool down, avoids a confrontation
and sets a good example of self-control.
- Remove the teen from the scene by using time out techniques.
- Avoid lengthy lectures which will be tuned out. Be brief and specific.
- Avoid accusations and blame which will only serve to inflame and encourage
resistance.
- Don't over generalise by using words like 'always' and 'never'.
- Stay in the present. Past misdeeds should not be dug up nor should dire
predictions be made about his future.
- Focus only on the essentials and forget the rest.
- Think before you react.
- Try and see the child's view point.
- If you were wrong, apologise. You will gain respect, not lose it. You
will also be setting a valuable example.
|
Time-out
Tips
Time
out is a discipline strategy that has become increasingly
popular over the last few years. It consists of putting the
misbehaving child for a few minutes in a hazard free room
or in a corner away from siblings or in a chair in another
room. The concept of time-out is a good alternative to spanking
but success depends upon understanding and correctly implementing
the main assumptions behind it.
-
Time-outs should not be used before 2 years of age.
- Use it for aggressive verbal or physical behaviour, threats
to hurt some one, hostile or verbally abusive remarks and
potentially dangerous behaviour.
- Act calmly. Time out is meant to give both of you a cooling
off period to diffuse anger.
- Explain to the child before you begin using time-outs that
it is a choice that the child has. He can misbehave and lose
his fun and freedom for a while.
- As a general rule the time out should be for one minute
per year of age.
- The intention is not to punish but to allow the child to
be removed from an out of control situation and give him time
to recover himself.
- Give explanations before imposing time-outs to help the
child understand the consequences of misbehaviour.
- If a child refuses to comply, count to five then lead her
or carry her to the time-out location. Use a calm but firm
tone.
- If a child refuses to stay seated try applying gentle pressure
to keep him in place or allow him to stand up.
- Don't lecture, spank or respond to any pleas on the way.
- Be consistent in application.
|
|
|
